Dalton Ross
December 20, 2004 AT 05:00 AM EST


DAVID AND VICTORIA BECKHAM WAXWORKS IN U.K. NATIVITY SCENE AS JOSEPH AND MARY ”This is worse than bad taste,” said one Vatican source, and we agree. Everyone knows that Baby Spice makes for the most convincing virgin.


”WE ARE THE WORLD” FOLLOW-UP (”WE ARE THE FUTURE”) PLANNED Wait, I thought children were the future. What the hell does this leave them? Oh well, not my problem.


U2 TO BE INDUCTED INTO ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME Not making the final cut, however, were Grandmaster Flash and his five-man posse, who were reported to be ”furious.”


BILLY IDOL TO RELEASE DEVIL’S PLAYGROUND ON MARCH 22 Evidently, that’s a nice day to start again. Too bad it wasn’t also a nice day to come up with a more original album title.


CARMEN ELECTRA’S AEROBIC STRIPTEASE ON DVD Jane Fonda, watch your back — while we go and watch Carmen’s.


LINDSAY LOHAN DENIES LIP-SYNCHING ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA People are outraged, but ask yourself: Is this someone you really want to hear singing in the first place?


TWILA LOSES SURVIVOR: VANUATU Yet wins my heart with her…her…well, I’m not exactly sure what to call that haircut. How about ”The Camaro”? Is that taken?


FORMER PETA MODEL CINDY CRAWFORD LANDS ON GROUP’S WORST-DRESSED LIST Cindy, I am really, really disappointed in you. I must insist you remove all offending clothing immediately. In fact, just to be on the safe side, go ahead and take it all off. Let Carmen show you how.


MARISSA TO HAVE SAME-SEX LOVE INTEREST ON THE O.C. I’m sure Marissa’s younger sister, Kaitlin, would be really confused by the news…if she still existed!


HOLIDAY TOY SHOPPING Oh, so this is the fifth circle of hell.

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