Desperate Housewives: Bob D'Amico
Karyn L. Barr
January 17, 2005 AT 05:00 AM EST

”Desperate Housewives”: The softer side of Edie

Here are two words I thought I would never say: Poor Edie. Seriously. For months now, I — along with most of you — have loved to rip into the bodacious housewife. After all, she often lies to get her way. She often steals (other women’s men, mostly). And she often flaunts her all-too-perfect body — most notably, while washing her all-too-prefect car. All in all, Edie Britt has always reminded me of those ridiculously confident girls in high school who seemingly thought they could get anything — and anyone — that their inflated egos wanted. Boy, was I wrong.

Turns out that good ol’ Edie was the self-professed high school freak. She wasn’t the captain of the cheerleading squad, like Susan or Gabrielle. She wasn’t whipping up macaroons like home-ec champ Bree. And she didn’t have the smarts or savvy to run with the likes of Lynette. Instead, Edie was the load-dock-trespassing, cigarette-smoking outcast, ostracized not because the other girls were jealous of her looks, as one would think, but because she was dorky and strange.

So last night, when she finally confessed to Susan that she never fit in as a teenager, I began to rethink my first impression of Edie. What did I discover after a commercial break’s worth of thought? That Edie is the only one on Wisteria Lane who, as of late, has had any semblance of a conscience. When Mrs. Huber’s body is discovered and her deliciously evil sister, Felicia, refuses to have a proper burial, Edie immediately steps in and organizes a sentimental ash spreading at the lake where Mrs. Huber got engaged. And despite the other housewives’ obvious hatred of Edie, she still goes ahead and invites them to the funeral, letting bygones be bygones all in the name of her best friend.

But what really did me in and had me edging toward the Edie love was her ability to accept Susan for the flaky nut that she is. Susan, not so much driven by guilt as by the fear that Mrs. Huber’s meticulous journals might reveal Susan’s arsonist ways, goes with Edie to spread Mrs. Huber’s ashes in order to preemptively confess to burning down Edie’s house.

Now, let me ask you, if you just found that your neighbor torched your home, what would you do? You’d probably rip her a new one and throw her overboard. Or you’d hightail it to the police. Or you might simply adhere to the old rule of thumb: an eye for an eye, however you would define that. Right? Well, Edie — not one to shy away from the abnormal — reacts in a more laudable and laughable fashion: She throws Mrs. Huber’s ashes on Susan. Yes, on Susan. It was at this point, ladies and gentlemen, that I literally fell off my couch with laughter and grabbed the TiVo remote. (God bless instant replay!) That moment was pure genius. Golden Globe-worthy in itself!

A commercial break and a few instant replays later, however, worry began to set in. With Mrs. Huber now spending eternity on Susan’s front lawn and Edie winning me over with her newfound ”I’m just the outcast trying to eat at the cool lunch table” demeanor, I no longer have a character to love to hate. (I’m ruling out Mary Alice’s shady husband, because he’s a little too obvious.)

Do I choose Felicia, Mrs. Huber’s ice queen of a sister, who refers to her new neighbors as ”vultures” and will seemingly stop at nothing to erase her sister’s memory from the earth? But she may not be long for this world either.

Or do I root against Carlos for being a pushy soon-to-be-convicted felon (not a spoiler, just a hunch) who sabotages Gabrielle’s birth-control pills? But the devious placebos are technically an act of love, since Carlos just can’t bear the thought of his wife running off while he’s banging out license plates in the clink.

Or lastly, do I select George, the lonely pharmacist whose Bree-stalking ways are just beginning to surface? But maybe the morphine he’s been taking since shooting off his middle toe is simply causing him to act a little kooky.

So, fellow Housewives-iacs, I’m desperate for a new desperado.

What do you think? Who do you think will become the show’s top villain? What’s going on with the mystery of Mike? And, based on last night’s show, who really deserved the Golden Globe?

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