Alone In The Dark: Chris Helcermanas-Benge
Scott Brown
February 02, 2005 AT 05:00 AM EST

Alone in the Dark

type
Movie
Current Status
In Season
mpaa
R
runtime
96 minutes
Wide Release Date
01/28/05
performer
Tara Reid, Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff
director
Uwe Boll
distributor
Lions Gate Films
genre
ActionAdventure, Horror

We gave it a F

When the giant, intelligent bees of the future sift through the ashes of our civilization, they will find Alone in the Dark, and they will understand. It’s so bad it’s postmodern. It’s about monsters that live in the dark and cause lights to flicker, making them roughly as terrifying as the Clapper. Oh, did I mention the zombies? On a related note, Alone stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff, all of whom do an excellent job maintaining consciousness — okay, except for Reid, who evokes the slower moments of Awakenings. This film-like mass was directed by Uwe Boll (House of the Dead), for whom elocution is not a priority. (One character seems to say, ”The knishes must be perfect! Otherwise there could be…consequences.”) Far be it from me to dismiss a man’s effort in a sentence, but the film on your teeth after a three-day drunk possesses more cinematic value.

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