Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of Feb. 18 2005
YOGI BERRA CLAIMS INCLUSION IN SEX AND THE CITY ADS CAUSED ”SEVERE DAMAGE TO HIS REPUTATION”
Dude, Yogi — you’re 79. Your reputation just went through the roof, my friend! You’re like walking Levitra!
PAUL MCCARTNEY SAYS HIS WIFE HAS NOT MADE HIM HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY
I guess this gives new meaning to the phrase ”Let it be.” As well as the phrase ”Who cares?”
YOUNG EINSTEIN OUT ON DVD
You can’t stop Yahoo Serious — you can only hope to contain him! And I have a feeling sales of this DVD will definitely be…contained.
GERALDO PROMISES TO SHAVE HIS MUSTACHE IF MICHAEL JACKSON IS CONVICTED
Why couldn’t he promise something else, like…I don’t know, not to appear on TV anymore?
JAMIE FOXX WINS BEST ACTOR SAG AWARD!!!
I don’t know why I sound so excited. This is probably the least shocking development since Molly Ringwald ditched Duckie at the prom.
SURVIVOR: PALAU PREMIERES
There’s cancer survivor Jonathan and Wanda with her 25 foster children. But what about the enigmatic Jeff, who lists Bio-Dome as his favorite movie? Doesn’t he deserve some sympathy support too? And did Bio-Dome just barely edge out Young Einstein, or what?
BOOGEYMAN NO. 1 AT THE BOX OFFICE
Now, that’s scary.
PATRIOTS WIN THIRD SUPER BOWL
The only thing missing from this dynasty is Joan Collins slapping everyone silly. Although I suppose linebacker Tedy Bruschi sorta fills that role.
MARTHA STEWART TO HOST APPRENTICE SPIN-OFF
It’s hard to get too excited about this, unless she starts busting out some of her new jailhouse lingo: ”Yo, which of you punk-ass contestants wants to be my beyotch?!?”
SUGE KNIGHT ARRESTED
Shades of Duckie all over again.