Dear Tristate Jedi/Starfleet Academy Fan Association:
While I have enjoyed the many TransporterCons and HyperCons and ConstellationCons (oh, God, remember Hartford? I’ll never forget. Kaplagh!), the news of Star Trek: Enterprise’s cancellation, combined with Star Wars drawing its final big-screen breath in May, is just too much for this lieutenant commander (field commission) to bear. I will, to the end of my life cycle, look back fondly on my time in the TJSAFA, but with no new adventures to base my role-playing on, I must move on. How can I now sit in a Red Roof Inn meeting room and chronicle the adventures of Captain Janeway and Lando Calrissian, united by love (and temporal anomaly)?
I’m writing to request a refund of the balance of my lifetime membership, effective May 20, after the premiere of Episode III and Enterprise’s May 13 finale. Thanks for the years of fellowship. Should you need to reach me, I’ll be staying, temporarily, in my parents’ basement.
With my lightsaber sheathed and my phaser set on very, very sad,