LINDSAY LOHAN DOLL IN THE WORKS
More exciting are the kick-ass accessories. Wacky Daddy Lohan doll even comes with his own jail cell! (Cellmate ”Tiny” sold separately.)
ICE CUBE AND MARK MCGRATH TO PLAY IN CELEB HOOPS GAME DURING NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND
Oh, oh, I wanna play! That way I can bust out some super-lame trash talk, like ”Yo, Mark, here’s your Extra — you suck!” And then he can beat the snot out of me. Probably while dunking.
NEW MENUDO WILL BE FORMED VIA A TV CONTEST
Hmmm, how do you say ”really, really crappy idea” in Spanish?
BRUCE WILLIS ANNOUNCES DIE HARD 4.0
Great title! Love the technology vibe. In fact, in its honor, I think I’ll skip the theater and just illegally download the entire film to my desktop.
ROB SCHNEIDER TAKES OUT FULL-PAGE AD REFUTING CLAIM THAT HE IS A ”THIRD-RATE COMIC”
I’m actually with Rob on this one. I saw both The Animal and The Hot Chick, and those were definitely fourth-rate at best.
FOX TO AIR STARS WITHOUT MAKEUP
Promised are ”action stars floundering on the beach,” which is code for ”set your TiVo.”
CHEECH AND CHONG REUNITE AT U.S. COMEDY ARTS FESTIVAL
I wasn’t there, but I’m guessing this reunion also included a very special appearance by one Mr. Bud. First name: Kind.
ABC PLANS MOVIE ON DONALD TRUMP
Rob Schneider, you score this role, I bump you up to second-rate — immediately.
J. LO PERFORMS DUET WITH MARC ANTHONY AT THE GRAMMYS
She didn’t exactly seem all that excited about it. I mean, the woman started brushing her hair at one point while being serenaded. And her hair was already perfectly brushed!
JOSE CANSECO TALKS ‘ROIDS
If you can’t trust a guy who had a baseball bounce off his head for a home run, who can you trust?