News

Dalton Ross's Hit List for the week of March 4, 2005

1
GEORGE MICHAEL SAYS HE’S QUITTING POP MUSIC
In related news, Andrew Ridgeley took the opportunity to announce, ”I’m not quitting anything. Pop? Rap? Country? Whaddya got?”

2
SHANIA TWAIN TO CREATE OWN PERFUME LINE
”Shania Twain shares the core values of Stetson,” said a company exec, before presumably adding, ”you know, like being really hot and marrying people nicknamed after dogs.”

3
MEDICAL MARIJUANA GROWERS IN CALIFORNIA WANT THEIR POT CERTIFIED ORGANIC
Failing that, they’d at least like it to be recognized as ”some seriously mind-blowing s—.”

4
RIGHTS TO UNRELEASED ELVIS SONG PUT UP FOR SALE ON EBAY
That’s an odd thing to bid on. I’m also not quite sure how the fried-peanut-butter-and-banana-sandwich payment plan works.

5
THE AMAZING RACE 7 BEGINS WITH SURVIVOR’S BOSTON ROB AND AMBER
Does this mean Lex is going to follow them around the world, screaming ”That’s still not cool what you did on All-Stars, man. Apologize before I grow another ugly mohawk”?

6
D.C. CAB ON DVD
Yes, Mr. T addresses someone as ”fool.”

7
BONO NOMINATED FOR NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
Did everyone who performed that charity version of ”Across the Universe” get nominated? Because I’d love to hear Slash’s acceptance speech: ”I’d like to thank the guy who makes my top hats, all my porn-star friends, Mr. Brownstone … Oh yeah, and in your face, Axl!!!”

8
PRINCE TO RECEIVE NAACP VANGUARD AWARD
I can’t wait for his speech, either: ”I’d like to thank Lake Minnetonka, the creator of lace, Nikki … Oh yeah, and in your face, Axl!!!”

9
HACKER GETS INTO PARIS HILTON’S CELL PHONE
With Paris, let’s be thankful it was just the phone.

10
CURSED OPENS IN THEATERS
It’s like An American Werewolf … in America! USA! USA!

Originally posted February 28 2005 — 12:00 AM EST

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