”Survivor”: Twists, turns, and two evictions
What if I told you that instead of me writing my regular Survivor column, this week me and my editor Tom were both gonna write Survivor columns! And that then, after he finished with his, he was gonna eat a big steaming pot of beef stew and laugh at me while I sat there and struggled through mine. And, not only that, but he would have the power to choose exactly which words in my article were granted immunity and allowed to stay and which ones would go (which I suppose he kinda does anyway, you know, he being an editor and all).
In any event, you would probably say that was insane! Much like this past episode of Survivor. To quote my good friend C-3PO, goodness gracious me. This entire episode was twist upon twist upon Angie crying upon twist. Let’s break it down, people. And, while we’re at it, let’s also refrain from using phrases like ”break it down” in the future.
Okay, let’s start with both tribes going to tribal council. At first, I didn’t like it. I guess I just was having trouble digesting the fact that a team that won a challenge was still going to have to vote off a tribemate. And, in fact, competitively, I still don’t like it. But it brings us to twist number 2: the winning tribe getting to sit and have a feast in front of the losers. Okay, this I liked. It also led to one of Angie’s approximately 1,263 emotional breakdowns. Even though Coby had asked his Koror tribemates not to gloat, they couldn’t help rubbing it in. So I figured, okay, this makes pretty good drama, so I guess I can live with the whole double-tribal-council thing.
But then it got better. A lot better. Ibrehem, a surefire goner after failing to snag a sake bottle in the challenge, was spared when Koror was allowed to grant immunity to a member of Ulong. Why they chose Ibrehem is beyond me, but it did make for fantastic TV, forcing Ulong to completely scramble and oust someone on the fly.
But wait, it wasn’t done! Then Bobby Jon and Angie ended in a freakin’ tie! Jesus, would this episode ever end! The final switcheroo occurred when Stephenie pulled a Kelly Wigglesworth and changed her vote from manimal Bobby Jon to Angie, ensuring the tattooed one’s removal. (By the way, as heartless as it may have seemed, it was a smart move by Stephenie, seeing as she knew James and Ibrehem were both gonna vote for Angie anyway. Best not to make waves.)
By the end of the episode, my head was completely spinning, and not from all the beer I downed after being inspired by the floating sake bottles. What to make of it all? What to make of Koror’s voting off Willard, whose sole offense seemed to be not watching the fire closely enough? According to Katie, he’s ”crabby” and ”bitter.” I don’t know about that. But I do know that he wanted Coby to get into his pants — literally — and that concept is pretty freakin’ hilarious. And what about Ibrehem in that challenge? He went down once — nothing. He went down again — nada. He went down a third time — zilch. There’s nothing I can say that Jeff Probst didn’t by shaking his head in disgust as the strongest man in the game made his way back on the raft with nothing to show for his efforts. But I will say this for Ibrehem. What did he actually cost his team? A meal? Some root beer? So what? They were going to Tribal Council either way, so his actions were far less egregious than James’ getting blasted by Coby twice in last week’s immunity contest.
I was actually sad to see Angie go. Mostly just because she lists the Stooges as one of her favorite bands and it is my personal belief that Fun House is the best rock album of all time, but the woman was starting to break down. Not necessarily physically — we’ve seen her dunking and beating up Koror the past few weeks. But emotionally, she seemed to be losing it, crying when they got lost in the middle of the night and then again at tribal council. When you see that happening to someone on your tribe, you really have no choice but to get rid of them.
It’s too bad, she was spunky. My ”Survivor: Live” co-host, Jenna Morasca, has been talking some serious smack about Angie the past few weeks, so maybe we’ll get lucky and have a full-blown catfight when they meet on set Thursday at 2 p.m. (Keep your fingers crossed and log on to cbs.com to find out.) We’re also gonna have the challenge producer, John Kirhoffer on, and ask him why they are trying to literally kill contestants with some of these brutal challenges. In the meantime, my editor is still gloating over his beef stew. (I had brought my laptop along, figuring we might be merging columns, but he did his best Jeff Probst impersonation and slapped me back into reality.) Oh well. At least I don’t have to sleep next to James.
What do you think? Do you like it when the show breaks format, or should they stick with the rules? Was Angie’s eviction fair? And what about her will you miss the most?