Janu Tornell: Monty Brinton/CBS
Lynette Rice
April 22, 2005 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”Survivor”: More self-destructive behavior

Admit it: The minute you saw Mr. McSassy show up on Survivor, you realized how much you missed that tall drink of water with the nasty wit and the impish grin, didn’t you? Didn’t you?

I’m speaking, of course, of Dalton Ross, whose photo was splashed all over last night’s episode to help promote the ”Survivor: Live” Internet show. Unfortunately, Dalton was otherwise nowhere near a boob tube, so he couldn’t do this TV Watch. (He’ll be back next Thursday.) But as for Coby, it was, um, interesting to see him as the first member of the jury. Was that really Coby, or was it just some dandy extra from The Pirates of Penzance? My God, that shirt. And when did he find time to paint those blond streaks in his bangs? Have those been there the whole time and I just didn’t notice them because I was too busy gasping at his Speedo-like briefs?

Speaking of buzz kills, how about that Janu? Almost as worthless as Caryn but a good 40 pounds lighter, Janu — like Coby last week — managed to seal her fate in the first few minutes of this episode, railing on the catty Katie for gossiping about her but not letting up when Katie actually managed to spit out an apology. Last week, I wondered whether Coby was really that awful around his teammates — we all know that survivors are often the victims of some very creative editing, and Coby did become unbelievably bitchy in a reeeeallly short amount of time. But I didn’t give the editing a second thought last night when it came to Janu. I’m convinced she is that heinous. If you can find her when she turns sideways.

Man, that reward challenge seemed unnecessarily difficult — and for what, the requisite meeting with the island neighbors? Koror was split up into two teams (Tom, Greg, and the slivers versus Stephenie, Ian, and the blondies) and then told to build scaffolding towers in the water. My support now goes to whatever team has Stephenie (because I want her to win), but I knew that Tom and Co. would conquer and allow Caryn and Janu (i.e. the slivers) to partake in an undeserved meal. And Janu did — but for only about a minute. Tom and Co. were ushered to some other part of Palau and treated to the predictable luscious feast, but for someone like Janu — who appears quite comfortable consuming nothing more than a coconut per week — the meal was as enjoyable as a colon cleansing. She ended up puking most of it out, but she managed to keep the process respectable because of the kindness of some nearby tribal girl. Nice to know that even in the remotest areas of our planet, you can always find a girlfriend to hold your hair back while you hurl.

For immunity, it was a Fear Factor special that required the castaways to float below a submerged cage while trying not to drown as the tide came in. A shivering Janu, no surprise, lasted all of six minutes, but it wasn’t over for her. In yet another unexpected twist to this season, Janu was told she’d have to spend a night alone on an uninhabited nearby island. Clearly, this tickled her castmates, who were giggling so much that it was her and not them that Probst decided to call them on their lack of empathy: ”You’re joking like this is open mike night!”

And what a night. All those weeks of not aiding her tribe seemed to come back and haunt Janu. It took her hours to start a fire, but the flint eventually worked and she was dancing on her secluded beach. Um-hmm. Right. Look, we all know she and Stephenie before her were never really alone on those beaches. There’s at least one cameraman, if not two, and maybe also a boom operator, right there with them. While the alone-on-a-beach thing seemed novel with Stephenie, it just came across as kind of silly with Janu.

The next day, it was clear that Janu didn’t leave her ”screw you” attitude back on her secluded beach, but the others still weren’t convinced that she should be the next to go. Everyone save Tom seemed fixated on booting Stephenie, and they would have gotten their wish if it were not for Janu’s Osten-like shocker at tribal council, when she decided to lay down her torch and be the next to go. I know I should care — another quitter on Survivor? My God, the horror! — but it helped to save Stephenie, at least for now.

What do you think? Do you think Stephenie can somehow save herself next week? Is someone else destined to be stranded alone? Do you remember those highlights on Coby?

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