Chris Nashawaty
May 23, 2005 AT 04:00 AM EDT

As usual, Hollywood’s got it all wrong. We get that new ideas are hard to come by, but lately, they’ve got this whole remake thing ass backwards. Take The Longest Yard. Why update a movie that pretty much stuck the landing the first time around? An ideal remake should be something with a killer premise that for some reason whiffed. Something like 1983’s The Star Chamber. Marking the last gasp of the ’70s vigilante flick, Star Chamber stars Michael Douglas as an idealistic young judge tapped by his mentor to join a secret society of fed-up judges who meet in a dark, wood-paneled room to vote on some real justice — the kind that’s carried out by hitmen. Hear that, Hollywood? That’s the sound of red-state America opening its wallet.

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