Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of June 3, 2005
1 THEATER OWNER BANS MONSTER-IN-LAW DUE TO JANE FONDA’S VIETNAM ACTIVISM He even posted a sign declaring ”No Jane Fonda movie in this theater.” Right next to the one reading ”House of Wax — bring the kids! USA! USA!”
2 RAY ROMANO SAYS HE’S DONE WITH NETWORK SITCOMS Tell you what — tack on the words ”…and Mooseport” and we’ll call it a draw.
3 TOM CRUISE BRINGS NEW GIRLFRIEND KATIE HOLMES ON OPRAH ”But seriously — we really value our privacy… .Oh, all right, just a few more pictures. Can I get a box to stand on?”
4 JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT TO STAR IN GHOST WHISPERER, FRIDAYS AT 8 P.M. ON CBS Wait, isn’t that Joan of Arcadia’s slot? Yo, J-Love, why don’t you whisper to God and see how He feels about that?
5 REVENGE OF THE SITH MAKES $158.4 MILLION IN FIRST FOUR DAYS See what happens when you make Gungans mute?
6 U.S. GOVERNMENT WANTS TO KEEP OUTER SPACE CLEAR OF ADVERTISING BILLBOARDS Billboards in outer space, eh? So, maybe that was the Lucky Charms leprechaun I saw up there after a few too many magically delicious Milwaukee’s Bests the other night.
7 TARA REID AGREES TO HOST E!’S WILD ON! SERIES Practice makes perfect, I guess.
8 MADAGASCAR OPENS Computer-animated talking animals move yet another step closer to taking over the world. Damn your wisecracks and box office invincibility!
9 OVER THE TOP OUT ON DVD If you see only one Sylvester Stallone arm-wrestling movie in your lifetime…
10 ABC PRESENTS DANCING WITH THE STARS Wait, is that really Evander Holyfield doing the cha-cha-cha, or is this the Milwaukee’s Best talking again?