Dalton Ross’s Hit List for the week of August 12, 2005
1 JOHN LENNON’S HANDWRITTEN LYRICS TO ”ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE” SELL FOR $1 MILLION No offense, but I’m pretty sure love didn’t write that big-ass check. Evidently, the green stuff comes in pretty handy as well.
2 ASTRONOMERS MAY HAVE DISCOVERED SOLAR SYSTEM’S 10TH PLANET Researchers have referred to the object as Xena, after TV’s warrior princess. In related news, retail outlets have reported a recent explosion of telescope sales to lesbians.
3 FORMER FRIENDS PARIS HILTON AND NICOLE RICHIE TEAM UP AGAIN FOR THE SIMPLE LIFE 4 Awwwwkward.
4 BRITTANY MURPHY TO APPEAR IN JORDACHE ADS She does have the look I want to know better. And, dare I say, the look that’s all together. But that still doesn’t stop Jordache from being supercheesy.
5 STEALTH CRASHES AND BURNS AT THE BOX OFFICE Even for a Top Gun rip-off, this is definitely flying a little too close to the ”danger zone,” if you know what I’m saying.
6 OPRAH TO RELEASE A 20TH ANNIVERSARY DVD ”Every show you’ll see here holds such profound meaning for me,” Winfrey said. ”Because they all made me rich! Filthy stinkin’ rich!”
7 WEEDS DEBUTS Why does my TiVo suddenly have the munchies?
8 FOX HIRES AN INDEPENDENT COUNSEL TO LOOK INTO ALLEGED PAULA ABDUL-COREY CLARK AFFAIR Can said independent counsel also look into what the hell ever happened to Brian Dunkleman? We miss our shot of pure, unfiltered Dunk.
9 LUKE SKYWALKER’S LIGHTSABER AUCTIONS FOR $200K However, Darth Vader’s nabbed only $118,000, throwing that whole ”power of the Dark Side” thing into serious question.
10 BOOK CLAIMS JIMI HENDRIX GOT OUT OF THE ARMY BY PRETENDING TO BE GAY Oh, great — I simply typed in the word ”Hendrix” and now my computer’s got the munchies too.