She dove Into the Blue, danced in Honey, and double-roundhouse kicked her way through Dark Angel. But can the power of invisibility and the ability to create force fields — which she wielded as Sue Storm in Fantastic Four, released Dec. 6 on DVD — protect Jessica Alba from the teeth-chattering dangers of Stupid Questions? Time to find out.
I would assume that playing an invisible character offers many benefits. Did you ever oversleep and miss one of your scenes, only to find out that you actually did an amazing job?
Yeah, that was my fantasy. I got paid to not show up.
Which water-based experience better prepared you for Into the Blue — your starring role on the syndicated TV series Flipper or your guest gig on UPN’s The Love Boat: The Next Wave?
Most definitely Flipper. I learned how to scuba dive, and I swam with dolphins in the middle of the ocean.
Hmmm. Let’s pretend that you said Love Boat.
I got seasick on Love Boat, and I got seasick on Into the Blue.
Is it possible that it wasn’t the waves making you sick, but rather the Love Boat script?
That may have been part of the problem.
In Sin City, you were a lasso-twirling exotic dancer who falls for a father-figure cop who’s trying to save you from a jaundiced, castrated serial killer. When a character seems so ripped from the pages of your own life, do you just shoot the film first and ask questions later?
Yeah, you’re just caught up in the moment. Every day I wake up, I’m a stripper in Texas.
What about Dark Angel did you find more implausible — the fact that you played Max, a hot chick with genetically engineered superpowers, or the fact that you played Max, a hot chick who shared the same name as an old Jewish man?
A genetically engineered superhero is a little far-fetched. An old Jewish man is a bit more relatable. Long walks to school and the whole nine…
I never got around to seeing your 1998 kiddie comedy P.U.N.K.S. — which featured both a suit with supernatural powers and Randy Quaid — but can I assume that it kinda S.U.C.K.S.?
It was a job. You do what you gotta do.
In 2002, you ranked No. 6 in FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women poll, while you placed No. 12 in Stuff’s 102 Sexiest Women in the World issue. How tough was it to hold down both numbers at the same time?
I had to go to therapy, actually, because I had this weird identity thing. I mean, inside I felt like a 6 but outside I was clearly a 12, and I was trying to come to terms with it all.
Okay, let’s just get this over with. Repeat after me: ”I was ugly and awkward as a kid, I had braces, and I was teased by everyone…”
I was ugly and awkward as a kid, I had braces, and I was teased by everyone… I did have braces twice — I had pretty bad buckteeth. And I had a lisp for a while. And I was pigeon-toed. I really had my moments with the ugly gene.
So do you ever wake up, look in the mirror, and say, ”Holy crap! There’s a totally hot chick staring right at me!” and then realize, ”Oh. It’s just me”?
Never. I usually wake up, look in the mirror, and go, ”Oh, man — really?” And then I put a hat on and I keep it moving.