Scott Brown
April 11, 2006 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal are getting married and having a baby, which inspired four punch lines in search of an actual story. To wit:

1. Luckily for them, the first anniversary is consonants.

2. Many haaapy returns!

3. Gyllenhaard! Yick — sounds like a Soviet sensual lubricant…

4. That kid is going to have a lot of As in its name.

addCredit(“Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard: Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com”)

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