Michael Slezak
April 18, 2006 AT 12:00 PM EDT

In case you’ve been wondering what your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man’s been up to since his last big-screen adventure (back in 2004), our friends at Chaos Kitty discovered the answer: Reviewing Crayola crayons. All 96 of ’em, in fact. The first two pages of illustrated analysis are pretty inspired, featuring Spidey’s musings on everything from Carnation Pink (”Carnation Instant Break…FASSSST! You’re gonna love it in an instant!” our hero writes) to a rather poetic look at Black (”It’s your outline, the heart of your vision come to life…it’s black!”). Spider-Man also finds amusing uses for Midnight Blue, Tropical Rain Forest, and Royal Purple, and gets predictably scatological on Brown, but you can quietly duck out at page 3, when Fake Zartan shows up and things take a decidedly less comical turn.

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