If I told you that there was a new sand-set series called Falcon Beach beginning June 4 that starts off with a shot of women in bikinis prancing around with water guns, continues into a biker bar where we meet a shady dude named ”Mook,” and finishes up with some kid falling off a water tower in a drugged-out haze, your first reaction would probably be something along the lines of…”Clear my calendar on June 4!” Unfortunately, there is more to tell.
Following the lives of hot young thangs in a fictional New England lakeside town, Falcon Beach is like an inept, yawn-inducing cousin to Beverly Hills, 90210’s beach-based summer-of-1991 arc. The story revolves around local heartthrob Jason (Steve Byers), who naturally has two dysfunctional young ladies to drool over, the sassy city girl Paige (Jennifer Kydd) and returning squeeze Tanya (Devon Weigel). Other assorted secondary characters hang around simply to crack bad jokes (in the case of the guys) or walk around half naked (in the case of the girls).
Even with the requisite slow-motion volleyball shots and the random inclusion of a drunken oversize fish mascot, Falcon Beach is surprisingly unfun. Everyone seems depressed about something (maybe they’ve been watching the dailies), and Jason’s moodiness comes off as more mopey than brooding. That’s not to imply there aren’t a few solid laughs to be had: One wakeboarding scene features possibly the worst stunt-double matching since I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. Too bad this one was unintentional.