MoveOn.org and Amnesty International aren’t returning my phone calls, so I turn to you, Popwatch readers. We must move quickly. A great crisis is in the offing. The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum of Jupiter, Fla., is being liquidated.
Call your congressperson. We don’t want another situation like the looting of the Iraqi National Museum on our hands. It would be travesty to stand idly by while looters abscond with such priceless treasures as (and I quote from the catalog) “Hats from… Mystery, Alaska.” Not to mention the extensive collection of “Autographed Books,” including Driven, by Sylvester Stallone, which I didn’t even realize was a book. See how much the BR&F has to teach us?
We can’t give up on this place. Not while there’s still an Honorary Sheriff’s Deputy Badge from the Buffalo City Police left to protect. Not while there’s an autographed football “signed by entire 1972 Miami Dolphin 17-0 team (on loan from Bob Griese)” still on the shelf. Not while “Gifts from famous people” are going unappreciated by an adoring public. Trigger’s original bill of sale, people! A gift from Roy Rogers! The city of Jupiter, Fla., wants to wipe its mouth with that sacred document, after feasting on the corpse of Burt Reynolds’ fame. And I, for one, am not going to let that happen. Not while there’s a Gene Autry belt buckle or Bobby Orr jersey left to salvage.
If Jupiter doesn’t end its campaign of destruction, if Darryl Hannah is unsuccessful in her protest (she will climb Burt Reynolds and sit defiantly atop him until the town relents), then I call for a mass mobilization of rec rooms. Together, we can absorb a collection this massive and iconic. Who’s with me?