Does Thomas Haden Church carry a torch for the small screen? The onetime Wings lead got an Oscar nod for playing a washed-up TV star in Sideways, and is back on the tube in AMC’s Broken Trail, June 25-26. ”It was a chance to do a Western with Robert Duvall,” says Church, who’ll court blockbuster fame as Sandman in Spider-Man 3. ”I don’t really give a s— that it’s a miniseries.” Nope, the 45-year-old’s not shy with his opinions. So we decided to grill the Texan with EW’s personality test, and see what his Lone Star state of mind serves up.
1. My American Idol audition song would be:
”I’m Too Sexy,” by Right Said Fred.
2. If my life were a drinking game, everyone would do a shot when…
someone mentioned Wings.
3. The Rat Packer I most identify with is:
A Frank Sinatra
B Sammy Davis Jr.
C Dean Martin
D Peter Lawford
Sammy, because he had one eye.
4. The first famous person I befriended:
Believe it or not, Robert Duvall. I got to know him a little because he was staying at the Adolphus Hotel in Dallas where I worked in college. I called him Mister Duvall, he called me Tommy.
5. Choose one:
A ‘Ghost’ Demi
B ‘Striptease’ Demi
B G.I. Joe
Come on, you gotta make that call! Even though G.I. Joe had no plastic genitals, we all know he had balls! BALLS TO FIGHT!
6. What was your first concert?
It was in the spring of 1978 in Corpus Christi, Tex. — Van Halen opening for Journey.
7. Pick a Jessica:
She was amazing in Driving Miss Daisy.
8. If I had to gain 30 pounds for a role, I would eat:
I did gain 20 pounds for Sideways. Alexander Payne told me to eat pasta and ice cream, and drink beer. He wanted me to look bloated.
9. The first R-rated movie I saw:
Night Moves. There were bare breasts. I remember thinking that was very cool.
10. You’re stranded with the Sideways cast and you’ve run out of food. Who do you eat first?
A Sandra Oh
B Paul Giamatti
C Virginia Madsen
Sandra — she’s Canadian. That way, when we’re brought up on cannibalism charges, they couldn’t bring us up on treason. Like, ”You ate the American, when you had a Canadian RIGHT THERE!”
11. My porn name is:
Tuffy + Sonora = Tuffy Sonora
(Childhood Pet + Street You Grew Up On)