June 26, 2006 at 11:01 PM EDT

Hey, out there! You, in the bathrobe! (Wait — that’s me. Stupid mirror.) Anyway: Love soft-core amateur porn, but need to maintain a feeling of superiority while watching it? Your hour has arrived — or, at least, spasmed awkwardly. <a href="http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=439192
“>Pants-Off Dance-Off is the chance for the young and shame-inured to wiggle arhythmically on what Fuse rather optimistically terms “national television.” A quick trip to the website (which promises uncensored flesh, but furnishes only the Smudged-out Genitalia of Disappointment) reveals that the most-viewed videos are dominated by ladies — yet the actual winners have been doughy white men. Oh, doughy white men, when will your iron grip on Pants-off Dance-off end?

What am I supposed to say here? Something suitably indignant? I have no opinion on this. It defies opinion. It simply IS. Just ask the host of the PODO’s Best-of episode. (NB: I’m trying to get the newly reconstituted Girltalk to perform pantsless at my daughter’s 8th. This gives me several years to lobby them. I think it’s gonna happen.)

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