Elvis: Still dead after 29 years | EW.com

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Elvis: Still dead after 29 years

1069__elvis_l

1069__elvis_lHow will you celebrate Elvis Presley’s 29th death-iversary? Help me out, here: What do you get a dead icon for his 29th? Is it “wood”? “Paper”? “Cheese-injected Pickles Deep-Fried in Castrol”? I’m terrible with rituals. Not that I plan to go all Koizumi over it. (Man, does that guy love visiting shrines, or what?) This one’s only the 29th, for crying out loud. The 25th’s tough – that’s when the quarter-death crisis kicks in. And 30, of course, is dramatic: You really start to wonder where your death is going, if you’ve wasted your best dead-years, if law school’s the answer, etc.

My advice to dead Elvis is this: Relax. Death is long. And if you’re feeling stymied, hey, at least you don’t have your health, right? Try to savor every dead minute. And remember, this is a big night – it’s the night when Paul McCartney sneaks onto the Graceland grounds, in disguise, lays a wreath on your tomb and whispers “I’m more of a You person,” before firing a grappling hook and disappearing over the mansion’s rhinestone-encrusted cornice.

Does anyone else have an annual Elvis ritual? (Prime Minister Koizumi, please do NOT post those disturbing emoticons again or you will be banned from the board.)

Originally posted August 16 2006 — 4:10 PM EDT

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