Yeah, yeah, we know: Blender’s been there, done that; and by “there” and “that,” we mean (respectively) “Starship’s ‘We Built This City’ ” and “ranking the worst songs of all time.” But let’s reexamine the criteria: They were looking for the “most awesomely bad” songs, a very strict (if ungrammatical) construction. “Awesomely bad” requires awesomeness, And “We Built This City” by Starship (pictured) has that in frakkin’ spades – more awesomeness than badness in this tasteless cheeseball’s opinion.
But leave that debate for another day. For I have made a discovery: Deep, deep in my repressed memories of long family car trips and parent-enforced music selections, I have found a glistening musical turd, a lost of gem of horribleness. It is the late Gene Pitney’s “Mecca,” and it is the worst song on earth.
Not awesomely bad. Not hated for its ubiquity and pervasiveness. Not awesome in any way. Just bad. Really, really bad. The primordial stuff of badness. Long before God created heaven and earth, this song was bad. It actually eats brains. Try it!
I mean, seriously: Gene Pitney dipping a toe into rock is bad enough, but Gene Pitney wailing “That brownstone house where my baby lives is Mecca!” through what sounds like one partially blocked nostril… these days, that’s enough to warrant a war.
Of course, you probably have your own opinions on the subject: What the most awful, annoying song we’ve never heard of? Abandon all awesomeness: Dig deep, plunder your rotting cassettes, go beyond iTunes. Hell, go beyond Cameo’s greatest hits. Enlighten us and corrode our eardrums, please.