Whitney Pastorek
September 14, 2006 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Let’s get something straight: This post is currently listed on the schedule as “PopWatch Confessions: Whitney Wants to Have 10,000 of John Mayer’s Babies.” (The blogfather thinks he’s a comedian.) But that is not what it is about. No, what I want to talk about is the inherent dichotomy of John Mayer: the riddle, wrapped in an enigma, as it were.

Here’s what I don’t get: The 28-year-old guitar prodigy just released his third album, Continuum, and it is, as most predicted, a pleasant, somewhat generic collection of blues-injected lite rock that you either like a great deal or want to chuck off a bridge somewhere. Yet everyone who wants to chuck Mayer’s music off a bridge simultaneously seems to agree that, as a personality, he’s both brilliantly self-deprecating and genuinely hilarious; in fact, John Mayer Has a TV Show was, in my opinion, the best thing VH1’s produced in five years. And, half the humor of John Mayer Has a TV Show came from John Mayer mocking himself and his fans — standing in a giant bear costume in the parking lot of his own concert screaming “ARE YOU HERE TO SEE JOHN MYERS??” through a megaphone; holding a meet-and-greet with a group of drooling, enamored teenaged girls and then telling them Richard Marx writes most of his songs; hanging out, for no real good reason, with Trick Daddy.

THEN MEANWHILE, this smart, super-self-aware dude is dating… Jennifer Love Hewitt!  Or, egads, Jessica Simpson!  WHAT IS THE DEAL?? New title for album: Conundruum!! John Mayer! Explain yourself!!  And then maybe I will want to have like 2.5 of your babies! Right now I am too confused!!

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