Whitney Pastorek
September 19, 2006 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Hey, America’s Next Top Models, anybody want a cookie? Stop screaming in horror! If you hope to appear on the runways of Madrid any time soon, you better snack up: Legislators in the Spanish capital have insisted that anyone wishing to participate in their current fashion week shows must have a body mass index (weight to height ratio) of at least 18; for a 5’9″ model, that means weighing approximately 123 pounds. 123 pounds!!

Craziness… and it’s not just for Spaniards anymore: India’s health minister is following suit, and folks in Milan are getting antsy, too. Basically, this is a domino effect of massive proportions (well, 123-pound proportions, anyway) that could ripple across every level of the known universe.

addCredit(“America’s Next Top Model: De Yonker/The CW”)

Oh, sure, it’s all about “health,” but how are we supposed to knowwhat those clothes are going to look like on normal people if we don’tsee them on stick figures first? Designers are pulling their shows, modeling agents are freaking out, and the Duchess of Windsor is in danger of losing her one decent claim to immortality in Bartlett’s.Plus, has anyone asked the tobacco and heroin industries how all thosemodels suddenly needing to eat solid foods might affect theirbusinesses? What about coffee growers? And is there a chance gymmemberships might face a tragic decline? Dear God, what about NicoleRichie? Hello, is it no longer she you’re looking for?

Thank God folks in Londonare sticking to their pale, spindly guns. You can always count on theBritish. Except when it comes to taking responsibility for Borat.

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