New ways for Jessica's dad to sell breasts | EW.com

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New ways for Jessica's dad to sell breasts

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12559__dukes_l_1Can he get a yeehaw? As if controlling their money, careers, and nasal structures wasn’t enough, Jess and Ash’s (or should it be Sicca and Shlee’s?) dad has come up with two new ways to capitalize on having hot daughters. Life & Style reports that Joe Simpson plans to open a chain of barbecue restaurants called Daisy Duke’s, starting with one in Las Vegas. (Just the place to cater your next ”public affair”!) Isn’t that adorable? He hopes Jess (pictured) can find the time to make promotional appearances. No word yet on if he’ll make her bus tables, or if she’ll punch out random customers for staring at her ”double-D initials.”

I don’t even want to think about the menu at this place. I wonder if it’ll all be Jessica-themed? They could have barbecued chicken of the sea (touted on the menu as ”Actually chicken!”)… some sort of cheesy bites (”They’re gonna pop right into you!”)… maybe a bloomin’ onion (”The exact shade of orange as the real-life Daisy Duke, post-spray tan!”) OK, I guess I did want to think about it.

For extra creep factor: Joe’s been selling paparazzi shotshe takes of his own daughters through an exclusive deal with WireImage.What?! Don’t they pay him enough? I can just picture him on the redcarpet or a sidewalk in one of his crisp button-downs, elbowing aside the less worthy photogs, like he’s about to grab a crucial rebound. This guy needs a new hobby. Any ideas?

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