Tim Stack
September 27, 2006 AT 04:00 AM EDT

”Nip/Tuck”: The show finds a new twist

Well, I think I can say that Nip/Tuck truly showed us something new last night. And that’s quite an achievement for the shocking series. After all, we’ve had a transsexual in love with her own son. A serial killer lacking any kind of genitalia. But nothing we’ve seen so far can top last night’s case of the military wife who spends her lonely nights seducing her dog. Oh, and did I forget to mention that said military wife was played by Little House on the Prairie‘s Melissa Gilbert? Yep, feel free to scream.

Last night’s episode was so full of twists and turns that I can barely stand up this morning. I’m dizzy. Even more disturbing than Gilbert’s icky bond with her pooch was what happened to poor Liz, the lesbian nurse who never has a story line. Finally she was given some fun scenes, being coached by Christian on how to pick up women. Alas, the woman Liz ended up with was a crook who drugged the good nurse and stole her kidney! Organ thieves in Miami, ladies and gentleman! You might want to rethink those Florida retirement plans. Apparently, it’s not so friendly down there.

We also got more info on the luminescent Jacqueline Bisset. (How old is this woman? Who knows, because she is pulling it together!) Michelle (Sanaa Lathan) revealed to Christian that she used to be an escort and that James (Bissett) was actually her madam. And James is not a nice little madam. No no no. She will knock you straight in the face with a paperweight if need be, as we learned last night. James paid for Michelle’s med-school tuition, and in return Michelle promised James four years of work. Of course, Michelle peaced out early on James to become Larry Hagman’s child bride, and that’s why the old lady has come calling.

Back at the McNamara ranch, Julia was having trouble nursing her newborn, Conor, and was even contemplating going on antidepressants. (I know Brooke Shields is a guest star on the show this season, but is she also consulting? It’s a wee bit of a coincidence that Shields is appearing, Matt has taken to Scientology, and Julia may have postpartum depression.) Fortunately, Julia got some help from the family’s new nanny, played by Peter Dinklage, who once again stole all the scenes he was in. I especially loved it when he went to Sean’s office and told him off. Dinklage should get an Emmy nomination for this role. Still, I hated that damn mural he painted in Conor’s bedroom. I’m not sure a newborn really wants to wake up to a half-naked painting of Adam and Eve sharing a bite of forbidden fruit.

The First Lady of Crazytown, Monica Wilder, also paid another visit, complaining that she couldn’t breathe well. Is it me or does her nose job make her look even worse? Anyway, Monica brought Sean back to her apartment for some hash brownies (!) and the most hilarious striptease I’ve seen in a while. Oddly enough, the nonsexy routine did nothing for Sean, and he went home.

By the way, I’d like to thank the producers for limiting Matt’s screen time so far this season. The character has always been the most tiresome in the Nip/Tuck family, and the actor who plays him kinda creeps me out. This show has serious eyebrow issues with its male cast members. Someone needs to get a handle on this situation stat.

What do you think? Are obscene subplots like Melissa Gilbert’s too much? Is Sanaa Lathan evil? And what’s going to happen with Sean and Monica?

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