Amy Ryan
October 04, 2006 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Normally, I think the business of screenwriting should be left up to professionals, but I love the idea of a contest that lets amateurs like you and me put dialogue into the mouth of Optimus Prime in next year’s Transformers movie. After all, we can’t do worse than any other line of dialogue ever uttered in a Michael Bay movie.

Speaking of whom, if you want to watch the master at work, check out these on-the-set stills and video clips at Bay may not be an ace with dialogue (or plot or character), but he sure is good at orchestrating chaos. And shouting at extras.

My favorite line of bad dialogue from a Bay movie comes in Pearl Harbor, when Kate Beckinsale moans that she was just starting to disentangle her own drama (in love with two guys, pregnant by one of them) ”and then all this happened,” thus reducing the cataclysmic event that forced us to enter World War II to a two-word subplot to her own personal soap opera. As for Prime, I’m pulling for the character to say, ”I’m sick of these motherf—in’ snakes on this motherf—in’ plane!”

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