Whitney Pastorek
October 05, 2006 AT 02:00 PM EDT

Planning a birthday party, college reunion, or bar mitzvah any time soon? Don’t settle for your town’s local wedding band — aim high! Thanks to the corporate drones savvy businessmen at Clear Channel, all it takes is one click on this website and your favorite band, singer, or comedian can be up on stage at your event!

For example: Looking to recapture that Lilith Fair fun? The Indigo Girls are currently ”GA” (that means ”generally available”), and happy to make your backyard closer to fine for as little as $35K. Tired of wondering what Macy Gray is up to? Why not plan a funky jam for any time between May and September, and invite her? (She’ll also run you $35-$50K, but no way does she eat as much as the Indigo Girls.)

Of course, it doesn’t all make sense: The dulcet pop tones of RiloKiley ($15K) can be had for half the price of Sarah Silverman’s brayingcomedy ($30-$40K), and despite his ”general” availability, Huey Lewiswill still set you back a cool $150K, which is more than Bill Cosby andClap Your Hands Say Yeah combined.

My favorite? VH1 talking head Christian Finnegan, who asks $5-$7.5Kper appearance, despite the fact that he and I both got our start onthe same VH1 game show, Movies That Rock, in which we answered general movie trivia questions as well as questions about our specific Movie That Rocked: Cool As Ice,featuring the former Rob Van Winkle in a starmaking turn. And let metell you something, PopWatchers: No one is offering me $5,000 to leavemy house.

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