Desperate Housewives: Ron Tom
Annie Barrett
October 30, 2006 AT 05:00 AM EST

”Desperate Housewives”: Lynette gets her kicks

Hmmm. I wonder if I can skip discussing this week’s relatively blah episode and do an entire TV Watch on the killer preview of next week’s installment, tentatively titled Aunt Jackie’s Supermarket Sweep: Criminal Intent. What was that? Who’s going to die? (Your regular TV Watcher, Lindsay Soll, will be back with those deets next week.)

Lynette, Susan, and Gabrielle’s delicious margarita marathon definitely saved the episode. I love me some female bonding on this show, but it’s often been too forced and formal. So I’m with Gaby: ”Tequila makes me happy.” It let me get some hearty laughs out of Lynette spilling her entire drink on the floor with no remorse and Gaby inexplicably pelting Lynette with chunks of lime after paying her a compliment. I’m much more likely to respond to subtle physical comedy among the ladies than to overrehearsed, quippy little platitudes about love ‘n’ life. I say bring on the booze more often (as long as recovering alcoholic Bree has other plans that night).

The front-porch fiesta inspired the one great moment of the night: Lynette forcing open Nora’s apartment door with the kind of power kick that can only be fueled by da-na-na-na-na da da tequila! See, after Lynette ix-nayed the proposed rental space for Pizzeria Oh-no, Tom decided to spend the night there, with only the rats and his dream to keep him company. Conveniently, along came Nora, who attempted to seduce him with her 1997 red wine and folds upon folds of loud, billowing plaid. It didn’t work, and in a Kill Bill-inspired fight scene in which the cute kid showed up just a bit too early for the ass kickin’ to get good, Lynette made it clear that unless Nora wanted a knife expertly flung at her chest from across the room, she better not mess with her man again.

Geek alert: I particularly enjoyed the door-kicking foreshadowing we got just before MargFest: Susan entered the land o’ Lynette by nudging the front yard’s gate open with her flip-flop. This also served to illustrate an important truth: A simple movement is always that much awesomer if the character making it is loaded.

Not everything was as captivating as Lynette’s brush with assassin-ship. Edie and Mike became a real-life couple, after he delivered the unfortunate line ”I’m looking at you now.” I still can’t get into Susan and Ian’s relationship — the most interesting part of the scene at Ian’s house was when he said the word ”editor” and it sounded like ”Edyta,” from Dancing With the Stars. And Carlos and Gaby’s story line remains repetitive: Will they or won’t they get back together? Who will con whom this time? How can this week’s manipulation be written to include a garter belt? I did enjoy it when Gaby somehow pushed Carlos out the second-story window. He pulled a Michael Myers there, falling among greenery and then mysteriously escaping. Hey, this week is Halloween….

The biggest news of all, which I’ve been putting off because I don’t entirely understand it, is that the Orson mystery advanced quite a bit this week. During a Hodge-Bigsby couples dinner that happened because Bree realized it would be ”nice to be seen” with Carolyn (Laurie Metcalf), a woman who’s apparently been a prominent member of her country club this whole time, Carolyn showed Bree photos of Orson’s bruised missing wife, Alma, along with a copy of an abuse report Alma allegedly filed against him. Carolyn’s husband, Harvey, confessed to Orson that he’d had a brief affair with a woman named Monique but hadn’t heard from her in months. The next day, Orson called the cops anonymously to identify the mysterious toothless drowned woman from a few episodes ago (remember ”Tu me manques”?) as Monique — and mentioned his friend Harvey’s affair. Then, Amnesia Mike had a flashback of Monique and told Edie he thought he knew her.

So these, to me, are the most pressing questions:

How are Orson and Mike connected to Monique? Does Aunt Jackie know about Monique? Where’s Alma? And Orson certainly does have a type, doesn’t he?


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