Scott Brown
October 31, 2006 AT 10:45 PM EST

It’s not a license plate — it is THE FUTURE. U2 appears to be shooting a concert movie in IMAX 3D. The band’s recent South American shows will be the subject of this great and possibly goggleless experiment in eye-poppingness.

That’s right, Bono is tired of occupying a mere two dimensions of your perception. He needs room, baby. He wants to give you a lapdance, then enter your mind. (Once inside, he will probably aks for charitable donations, so make sure the change dish in your cerebral cortex is loaded with useless Canadian coins.)

As for The Edge, well, he may not survive the process: He is, after all, The Edge, a creature of two dimensions most at home in his native Flatland. If he does survive, he will become The Orb, a being of nearly infinite power. The “infinite guitar” will become even infiniter — riffs will become rifts, whole galaxies will be swallowed. What I’m saying is, someone had probably destroy him now.

Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen, Jr. will remain one-dimensional.

addCredit(“U2: Evan Agostini/Getty Images”)

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