Dearest The Daily Show With Jon Stewart:
Congrats on 10 years of brilliant fake news programming! Love your anniversary-clip segments. They sure do make us miss the old days, with Stephen Colbert, Ed Helms, Rob Corddry…oh, should we not bring them up? Yeah, we know this is a transitional time for you, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. And we hoped you’d seize it to fill your ranks with talented, diverse contributors — perhaps even some of ethnicity! Or estrogen! But no, instead you’ve hired more lunkheaded white dudes like Rob Riggle, Dan Bakkedahl, and John Oliver (who’s great, but ”British” was not exactly the ethnicity we had in mind). On top of all that, it’s election season! You should be gorging yourself on the sweetmeats of the dysfunctional American political system, not ranting about breakfast foods (although Oct. 19’s spotlight on pancake-wrapped sausage on a stick was compelling). Anyway, perhaps this past week’s broadcasts from the battleground state of Ohio have rejuvenated you. Because we’re sure you’ll agree: Putting you ”on notice” would be cliché. So don’t make us do it.
P.S. Quit letting Colbert steal your thunder! You made him! Take back the night!