”Survivor”: Once we had a secret love
This is awkward. I don’t really know how to say this, seeing as how it’s not journalistically proper to become involved with one of the people you are paid to write about, but I feel it would be even more awkward to continue to ignore it, so I’m just gonna lay it all on the line: I think Candice has a crush on me. It’s just the way she looks at me through the TV screen, blinking her eyes, flashing that million-dollar (at least she hopes so) smile. She’s obviously smitten. I was pretty stoked about it — until I realized that Candice has a crush on everybody! Seriously, man or woman, Caucasian, Asian, black, or Hispanic — Candice doesn’t care. First she told Billy she loved him. Then she started mouthing sweet nothings to Adam at tribal council. But that was nothing compared with last night, when she started hugging Yul for dear life at the reward challenge and later proclaimed that she was ”in love with everybody that I can see right now!” And then, continuing this season’s most excellent theme of girl-on-girl action, she went and sucked face with Jessica.
The whole Candice thing confused me, but not as much as the mysterious appearance of…Yul’s glasses! Where did those things come from? He even wore them during the immunity challenge. But he didn’t need his specs to see that he and Aitutaki let a golden opportunity to stomp on Rarotonga slip through their fingers. They had their opponents demoralized, besting them in challenge after challenge, to the point that they were calling each other turkeys and nancy boys (the first time I’ve heard that phrase used in 20 years, I might add). Aitu was dominating the immunity challenge to the point where Jeff Probst was lambasting Raro members (to Parvati: ”What are you doing walking?”) and comparing Ozzy favorably to practically every member of the animal kingdom, including a monkey and a dolphin. But then Becky, Sundra, and Jessica got smoked in the puzzle by Rebecca, Jenny, and Adam (who, surprisingly, didn’t participate in the swimming portion yet didn’t seem to take any heat for it, as Brad did in the reward competition).
But, then again, Brad seems like he could be on the outs in his tribe. It was just last week when I went on at length on Survivor Live commending Brad for flying under the radar and getting along so well with everyone, which just goes to show two things: 1. Things can change in a hurry. 2. I’m a moron. Further proof toward the latter was demonstrated when I also insisted to Morasca on the same show that I thought Jessica was actually sitting in a pretty good place in her tribe, only to now watch her get bounced off in a majority vote. Like I said, moron.
But even a moron could tell you that this was a pretty yawn-inducing episode overall. Sure, watching Rebecca run-bounce down the beach at top speed in the reward challenge was a treat worthy of slo-mo playback, but that was pretty much it. It’s too bad. I thought this season started really strong, but it’s fallen into a rut lately, and outside of that one great eight-people-on-a-perch challenge, there has been a distinct lack of memorable moments. But don’t tell Candice I said that. She might get bummed out, because I think she’s sweet on me.
What do you think? Is Candice going overboard with the affection? Is Rarotonga back in the game? And is Ozzy more monkey or dolphin?