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Lancing With the Stars

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15519__nph_lI have to say, despite the fact that I have an ongoing phobia of waking up in the middle of the night and discovering I’ve accidentally left my closet door open (there’s monsters in there, I tell ya!), I’m pretty psyched about all the closet doors getting thrown open in Hollywood the last few months – Lance Bass, T.R. Knight, RJ Helton, Ted Haggard, Neil Patrick Harris. In fact, I think we may have turned a corner. No longer is revealing one’s homosexuality cause for widespread controversy, but rather, it’s an opportunity for a D-list celebrity to get himself back in the spotlight. And that’s a beautiful thing, people.

Take Bass’s boyfriend, former Amazing Race-r Reichen Lehmkuhl, who’s trying to coin the verb “Lanced” to describe what happens when a celebrity comes out under pressure from gossipistas. “They’re calling it a ‘lancing.’ It’s to be ‘lanced,’” Lehmkuhl said in a recent radio interview, discussing Harris’s recent revelation that he’s a “a very content gay man.” (Is “they” similar to Ida Know and Not Me?)

Um, I hate to break it to Lehmkuhl, but for starters, getting “lanced” sounds, well, a little bit obscene. Also, the term makes the (probably erroneous) assumption that Bass has somehow achieved uni-monikered status (like, say, Mariah or McDreamy) among the majority of Americans. (If you can hear your mom’s voice asking, “Lance who? Armstrong?”, raise your hand.) In the long run, though, that’s probably a good thing for Lehmkuhl. After all, he doesn’t want folks going around saying they’re Reichened to their stomachs by his blatant opportunism, does he?

Originally posted November 8 2006 — 5:22 PM EST

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