Every Dogg has his day, and Snoop’s will be on Nov. 21, when he rolls out his new album, Tha Blue Carpet Treatment, which features Dr. Dre, Pharrell, R. Kelly, and Stevie Wonder. How to kick off the festivities with Mr. D-O-double-G? Alas, we already drank all of our gin and juice, so let’s light up the joint with some Stupid Questions.
If I say ”Bow-wow-wow, yippee-yo, yippee-yay” to a real dog, what’ll happen?
He’ll bite you in the ass. He’d be like, ”Who is this fool and what is he talking about?”
How do I know if I’m receiving blue-carpet treatment? Am I being treated like a celebrity, but I’m also sad inside?
You’re gettin’ treated like a celebrity to the highest level. To the next level. And then at the same time, everything is blue around you — blue skies, blue shoes, blue carpet.
You guest-starred on Weeds last month. Is that the fastest-disappearing craft-service table in Hollywood?
Mmmm, that show is kinda cool. I thought it was just going to be a show that was all about weed and whatnot, but it was actually interesting.
Did you bring your own props, if you know what I’m saying?
No, I let them do that. They brought stunt weed — the Hollywood weed…. It’s all in the acting.
You’re at the airport right now, where you recently had a few incidents. By the way, do you have a favorite arresting officer?
[Long silence] Nah.
You went to high school with Cameron Diaz. When you passed her in the hallway, were you ever like, ”This is going to sound crazy, but we’ll both be famous in a few years. Now, with that out of the way — you, me…prom?”
No, it was never like that. We were on separate missions, ya know what I’m sayin’? I don’t know what mission she was on.
Maybe she was on a mission to be hot?
Yeah, she’s doing a good job of it.
Many years ago, I tried to grab a quote from you at the Billboard Music Awards, but two of your boys shoved me away and said, ”Snoop’s gotta go!” It kind of hurt. Given that I never sued you or even cried, would you at least rap me an apology?
I didn’t see that…. I’m doing an interview with you — that’s the apology right there.
When your mind’s not on your money, and your money’s not on your mind, where are they?
It’s always there. Even when I’m sleepin’. All I dream about is gettin’ paid.
You once said, ”I think me and Dre are going to be like Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon.” If the two of you remade Grumpier Old Men, which one would get Ann-Margret and which one would get Sophia Loren?
Oh, I want Sophia. I like the way her name sounds…. Yeeeeeah. And I know she used to be hot back in the day, so that’s for me.
I’ve heard that you sometimes end interviews by hanging up the phone with no explanation or warning.
When you started askin’ about that airport s—, you was gonna get it, and didn’t even know it. It was gonna be like, ”F— it, that’s your interview — four questions and that’s it.”
It’s all good. I gave you the benefit.
Thanks! Well, I think that’s it.
All right, man, stay smooth. Oh yeah, by the way — [Click]