Real World Denver: Greg Endries
Lindsay Soll
November 23, 2006 AT 05:00 AM EST

”The Real World: Denver”: The mile-high club

Welcome to The Real World 559: Denver. (Okay, so that’s an exaggeration. It’s really The Real World 18, but seriously it feels like this show’s been on since dinosaurs roamed the earth.) This is the true story of seven strangers — or as Tyrie put it, two black dudes, a crazy ex-cheerleader, a frat boy, a white dude from Houston who’s real cool, and a Southern belle. Wait just a darn minute, Ty, that’s only six people. Where does Colie fit in your equation? We’ll just call her the girl from New Jersey who loves making out; it’s like totally one of her hobbies.

And so the trail of spit swapping begins: During the first few days in the pimp pad that is the Denver house, Brooke kissed Jenn, Colie made out with Alex, and then Alex messed around with Jenn (while Colie was waiting for him in her bed). Now that’s a circle of friends! Is anyone else getting the feeling that the DVD of The Real World: Las Vegas came with the orientation packet?

Before we embark on our adventure in Denver, let’s take a look at our cast of characters:

Colie, 22 This Jersey girl recently graduated from Tulane University, in New Orleans. She has a really strong personality and has made it pretty clear that she wants to be all up on Alex at all times. After all, she may not be good at baseball, but she is good at making out. What kind of statement is that anyway? One thing has nothing to do with the other. She might as well have said, ”I may not be good at computer programming, but I am great at luring guys into my bed.”

Jenn, 22 She’s an Oakland Raiderette cheerleader, which sums up just about all you need to know about her. Oh, and she inspires Tyrie to say, ”I’ve never seen too many silicone valleys, you know what I’m saying?” My prediction? Her drunken hookup with Alex is going to ruin Colie’s grand plan to win him over. I couldn’t believe that one minute Jenn was saying how cute Colie and Alex were together and how much she loves Colie, and then the next, she was hooking up with Alex in the guest room. That does not a friendship make, Jenn.

Tyrie, 23 This Nebraska dude is the funny guy in the house. I just love the crass (”I’m single and loving it, and the first thing I’m unpacking is a box of condoms”) and witty comments that come out of his mouth. (”I’ve been here for less than 12 hours, and I’ve already seen two girls get on each other. If that’s happening on the first day, the sky’s the limit. Let’s go!”) Ty seems to have a thing for Miss Brooke, but I think his feelings are going to remain unrequited.

Alex, 21 The Arizona State University student is the baby of the group and a self-described ”social animal” who likes ”having a good time all the time.” He’s the cocky guy (there’s always one!) who will probably continue to hook up with no emotional attachments. It’s a good thing he’s a psychology major, because he’s going to need a therapist to talk to about the love triangle he’s now gotten himself into.

Brooke, 24 Okay, so I know she’s from the South and all (Nashville, if we’re getting specific), but can she please shut up about wanting there to be a gay guy in the house? I mean she got her wish (Davis), but was it really necessary to keep referring to homosexuals as if they were all exactly alike? It’ll be interesting to see if her stereotypes bother Davis. Brooke does seem pretty self-assured and open about her own sexuality, though. (She’s straight, but she said, ”Lesbians like me, they definitely do.”) It’s a little confusing, however, why she was so put off by Jenn’s plan for everyone to jump in the pool naked the first day, and then so eager to make out with Jenn in the hot tub later on.

Stephen, 22 He’s a student at Howard University and is extremely religious and conservative. He’s already starting to voice his opinions about homosexuality, which could easily become a bigger problem. (He shares a room with Davis.)

Davis, 22 More than just ”the gay guy,” Davis is a frat boy who recently graduated from Stetson University and wants to be a plastic surgeon. Like Stephen, he comes from a conservative upbringing, but he’s going against his families’ wishes by being openly gay. (Insert sounds of violins playing here.) As much as Davis seems like a cool guy, it’s getting redundant seeing Real Worlders appear on the show so they can come to terms with their sexuality. On a side note, am I the only one who found it a little strange that his sister’s name was Garland?

As for the previously mentioned Denver pimp pad these characters are running amuck in — man is it beyond cool! They have a bar made out of a Jeep, ski-lift chairs to lounge around in, a shower door with mountains sketched into the glass, and, best of all, their own gym (which I think is a Real World first).

I leave you guys with a few questions: Will Alex choose between Colie and Jenn or just continue hooking up with both of them? Will Brooke return Tyrie’s affection? Will Stephen and Davis actually be able to get along? And who’s going to be the first roommate to get arrested?

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