Lindsay Soll
November 30, 2006 AT 05:00 AM EST

”The Real World”: The lessons of drinking

An important lesson about excessive intake of alcohol: It makes you sleep with people even though you ”didn’t want to”; it makes you bring random guys named Nick back to your Denver pimp pad just to make your crush jealous; and finally, it brings out your sensitive side (or as Alex likes to call his, Mr. Emo), which provokes you to say ridiculous, emotional things (for example, ”Let’s make a pact right now: We’re both not going to hook up with other people tomorrow,” and ”I would like to go on a date or two with you”).

News flash, Real Worlders, after 17 seasons, using the old ”Man, I was so wasted” excuse to defend your hookups is getting old. Of course if you happen to, say, accidentally leave a pizza in the oven or develop a mysterious cut or bruise, then by all means blame it on the booze. (Meanwhile, the MTV producers are popping champagne and toasting to the drama-filled — er, alcohol-filled — success that is The Real World: Denver after only two episodes.)

Alex is so wishy-washy with his feelings that he’s even giving me a massive hangover. One minute he’s sober, saying, ”I feel more comfortable hooking up with Jenn than I would with Colie because I feel Jenn is a little more…just having fun.” Then he’s drunk, telling Colie, ”You intrigue me” and ”I’m attracted to you.” And when the liquor wears off, he’s claiming that when he drinks, he has some sort of alter ego who forces him to ”love girls.” Alex really needs to heed his mom’s advice and not be a ”you-know-what.”

As for Jenn, I can’t decide if she was being sincere when she had her heart-to-heart with Colie. Of course she didn’t intentionally hook up with Alex to hurt Colie, but she still did it. I’ll admit that her apology to Colie seemed genuine, and it was awfully brave of her to say on national television, ”I look like a hypocrite, I look like a whore, and I look foolish.” But if I were Colie, I’d be wary of the girl she’s already calling her best friend. What’s with that anyway? They’ve known each other for 36 hours: How can they possibly be sure that their bond is so strong? They probably haven’t even fully unpacked yet, and Jenn’s already offering Colie a spot at her wedding!

I think Colie needs to hand over the position of best friend to Brooke, at least for now. It was nice to see the Southern belle looking out for Colie when she brought Nick home. Those are the types of girls who are real friends — the ones who make sure you don’t do anything you’d regret.

The Best Advice Award for the episode goes to Tyrie: ”Know what you’re doing before you do it — that’s all I’m saying. If you know what you’re doing before you do it, do what you gotta do.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

So what do you think? Do you believe Jenn’s apology? Will Alex continue to mess with Colie’s head or take his mom’s advice? Will Nick return for more hot-tub action? Who will Brooke’s ”dirty night” be with? Where was Stephen? And finally, will any of them actually lay off booze?

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