So it’s official. Martha Stewart is a badass. Earlier this morning, the Queen of Domesticity was interviewed by King of Shock Jocks Howard Stern on his satellite radio show to commemorate their one-year anniversary at Sirius. For a woman who has her own line of linens and a guy who could own a porn empire, one would have surely expected a conversation between the two to be, um, a recipe for disaster. But Stewart was game. Yes, there were some mildly awkward moments – no matter what, we do not, I repeat, we do not want to hear about Thumper, Lady Martha’s sex toy – but it’s a rare and cool occurrence that a woman of her caliber could roll with Stern’s trademark punches without being offended or emotional, and at times, even give him a taste of his own medicine.
She talked about modeling as a teenager for Clairol and Tarrington cigarettes, and how she wasn’t quite good enough to be a Ford model. She defended herself when Stern called her stubborn for going to prison instead of taking the plea deal. “Do you know what pleas are?” she said. “Pleas aren’t guarantees. They didn’t guarantee no jail time.” She talked about dating Anthony Hopkins (“I couldn’t get past the Hannibal thing.”) and New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg (“That was years ago.”). When Stern asked her if she’d say hello to Donald Trump at a party, Stewart said she’d turn her back on him. And when asked about rumors that some of Stewart’s employees were caught spying in on Rachael Ray’s show, she claimed that they went to the show, even signing in, and noted that “I’m the mother of these how-to shows. She cannot cook like I cook. She cannot craft like I craft.” Ouchie.
The best moments came when Stern asked questions that would make most people wriggle, Michael Richards-style, in their seats.
When Stewart mentioned that she’d like to go out on more dates,Stern said, “But I thought you wanted me.” She responded, “I did. Butthen I met you.”
When he pressed on about prison life – “Who came on to you?”, shereplied, “Some girls who looked like boys. Some had mustaches andbeards. I’d be walking to the street and I’d be like, ‘How’d that boyget in here?’ And it was a girl. They’d want to have lunch with me,like a lunch date. Everybody in prison has a business plan. I’d havelunch with them if they were interesting.”
He followed with, “You never saw two girls getting it on?” “Nah,”Stewart said. “Not naked. But there’d be trysts.” Then Stern: “So Iguess you have to pleasure yourself in prison.” “You know what,” saidStewart, “five months isn’t a long time.”
Stern: “Have you ever had anything done?”
Stern: “No boob job?”
Stewart: “No, I think my boobs got bigger.”
Stern: “You’re a D cup, right?”
As Stern was wrapping up, he advised that the next time Stewart ison the show she go commando. “Wait, are you wearing underwear today?,”he asked. Stewart, without missing a beat, said, “No… bye Howard.”