Scott Brown’s Hit List
1 Brett Ratner’s grandma gets a reality show It’s pretty much 30 minutes of her saying how much she enjoyed ‘Red Dragon.’
2 Rosie O’Donnell accused of mocking Chinese The thing about mocking the Chinese is, an hour later, you’re racist again.
3 Tori Spelling yard sale a huge success The top item: Aaron Spelling in carbonite, $22.50.
4 Jennifer Aniston doing just fine But thanks for asking.
5 National Prison Rape Elimination Commission deplores Let’s Go to Prison It should be noted, the National Prison Rape Elimination Commission wanted to see Bond, but it was sold out.
6 Mariah Carey threatens to sue porn star Mary Carey Also included in the suit are deceased sportscaster Harry Caray, rubber-faced funnyman Jim Carrey, and the verb ”carry.”
7 Kirstie Alley will reportedly make boyfriends wait six months for sex She wants to be the DMV of C-list copulation.
8 Prince to be Super Bowl halftime act Because if there’s one thing Super Bowl audiences love, it’s raw yet ambiguous sexuality.
9 Anna Wintour holds symposium on ultra-thin models They’re all way too fat, the panel is expected to conclude.
10 Van Wilder soundtrack to morph into full-blown rock tour Sheesh, that would be like me morphing into a full-blown journalist.