Michael Slezak
January 02, 2007 AT 12:00 PM EST

I know it’s darn near impossible to read the news that ABC has greenlit a pilot for a small-screen version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith without thinking, “That’s gonna suck!”, but it’s the first weekday of the new year, and my boyish enthusiasm has not yet been crushed by the sight of Britney Spears’ ladyparts or the sound of Ali Lohan caroling. And remember, not every movie-to-TV adaptation deserves to go the way of the dodo. So let’s all put on our casting-director hats and figure out which talented thespians could turn Mr. and Mrs. Smith into the next Buffy the Vampire Slayer, M*A*S*H, or The Odd Couple.

Now, I’m guessing that since this isn’t pay cable, our protagonists can’t spend every week trying to obliterate each other with heavy artillery, then having explosive make-up sex. (Can they?) This puts me of the opinion that, in addition to piercing eyes and a killer bod, the Mrs. is going to need to have a wry sense of humor. How about Wonderfalls‘ Caroline Dhavernas, a stunning funnylady who really ought to be a household name by now. As for the male lead, nobody’s going to match the physical perfection that is Brad Pitt…unless maybe ABC rescues the delectable Brennan Elliott from What About Brian. Any actor who still smells like a star after emerging from that stinking mess really deserves his own series.

Anyhow, that’s my casting memo to the folks at ABC. If you’ve got a better idea, then by all means, holla back!addCredit(“Dhavernas: Amy Graves/WireImage.com; Elliott: Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images”)

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