Michael Slezak
January 04, 2007 AT 12:00 PM EST

Look, I understand that I’m not supposed to like Fergie’s music. It’s the processed cheese of the pop charts, clogging my intellectual arteries with each listen. And yet, much like the half-empty bag of Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch Doritos on my desk (yeah, I’m sliding down a very steep shame spiral as I write this), resisting Fergie is, for me, an exercise in futility. Take “Glamorous,” the third single off her recent disc, The Dutchess (which is streaming now at AOL Music). Thematically, it’s a mashup of “Jenny From the Block” and “I’m Real,” allowing Fergie to boast “I still go to Taco Bell,” despite her first-class-flying, champagne-sipping lifestyle, and also to complain that her industry of choice is a cold and confusing one. Which kind of begs the questions: Do we really need another single in which a chart-topping diva lets us know that fame (and its hefty price tag) haven’t changed her? (No we do not.) And also, why must Fergie insist on spelling out her song titles? But then, before you know it, you kind of get caught up in that soft breeze of a melody, the occasional sounds of a plane taking off, Ludacris uttering the word “lettuce” in his rap interlude, and those backup singers cooing “flossy flossy.” (Or is it “flouncy, flouncy”?) And then you worry for a second about Taco Bell’s lettuce. But then Fergie takes your mind off it again ’cause the whole darn affair is so frothy-catchy. And then you press the repeat button like a toddler playing peek-a-boo behind an airplane seat. Again! Again! Again! Is (help) there (me) a (kick) cure (my) for (Fergie) this (habit) PopWatchers?

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