Patrick Warburton made a name for himself as a dim-witted face painter (Seinfeld) and a heroic insect (The Tick), so he was understandably apprehensive about playing a regular joe on CBS’ Rules of Engagement (premieres Feb. 5 at 9:30 p.m.). ”I was like, the guy is married,” laughs Warburton. ”That’s boring! I’m a married guy with four kids!” Ultimately, the sitcom’s humor won him over, but he has a soft spot for his days on the short-lived but much-loved Tick: ”I will forever be appreciative that I got to do that.” We only hope he feels the same way about taking EW’s Personality Test.
Name: Patrick Warburton
1. The first famous person I befriended was:
When I was a kid, Conrad Bain (from Diff’rent Strokes) came over and had dinner at our house.
2. Choose one:
(A) Paul Newman
(B) Steve McQueen
3. What credit would you like to subtract from your résumé?
Yeah. Two movies I did in South Africa back in my early 20s. They’re called Dragonard and Master of Dragonard Hill. Islands are colonized by the Brits and I’m sold into the slave trade. All the women were like, ”Oh, I want him.” I was 22 years old and in crew shape. I was like a young Tarzan.
4. Pick a Charlie’s Angel:
(A) Farrah Fawcett
(B) Kate Smith
(C) Jaclyn Smith
(D) Cheryl Ladd
There was never any contest. I think I said to my wife, ”I think you’re almost as hot as Jaclyn Smith.” She was blown away.
5. The person I’m mistaken for most often:
Sometimes I get Chris Noth — Mr. Big.
6. If you were stranded on a desert island, which Rules of Engagement costar would you eat first?
(A) David Spade
(B) Megyn Price
(C) Bianca Kajlich
(D) Oliver Hudson
Not David. He’s a little too scrawny. It would probably have to be Oliver because I think I would want Bianca and Megyn around for company, if you know what I mean.
7. My porn name is:
Luke + Beachside = Luke Beachside
(Childhood Pet + Street I Grew Up On)
8. If you could be in any band — past, present, or future — which would you choose?
Pearl Jam — they’re the greatest band in the world. I’d play the cowbell or the tambourine. But there is only one Eddie Vedder and he can never, ever be replaced.
9. Choose one:
Scorsese…Coppola…I have to split this one. I don’t want to offend one of them.