So, if a beauty queen falls in the forest and nobody’s around… Um, hello, people, the Miss America pageant happened last night! Where in the world were you? Not watching the big show on CMT, huh? I’m not surprised. Neither was I. I can’t even find CMT on my channel lineup—and, I’ll tell you, I’m a freakin’ wizard with numbers. I mean, this is sad, right? The Miss America pageant used to be a hugely huge entertainment event, a majorly anticipated annual shebang held in glamorous Atlantic City, emceed by Bert Parks, and aired on network TV to millions. (This year: Vegas, Mario Lopez, not so many.)
Man, I have so many questions! Given the post-Vanessa Williams, post-JonBenet, post-Whatever It Was That Happened With Donald Trump And Miss USA A Few Weeks Ago world we live in, is it a good or a bad thing that Miss America has gotten a lower profile? Do innovations like viewer voting and the fact that they’re supposedly making the event sexier mean that you’ll watch next year? Should they move the show back up the dial a few hundred channels? And, gosh, who was your favorite Miss America? Former Catwoman Lee Meriwether? Former sports/news babe Phyllis George? Former Diff’rent Strokes star Mary Ann Mobley? (My vote: Miss America 1988, Kaye Lani Rae Rafko, for her great cameo in Roger & Me … and for having the weirdest/coolest name in the history of the planet Earth.)
Oh, by the way, Miss Oklahoma, Lauren Nelson (pictured), won.