Michael Slezak
January 30, 2007 AT 08:46 PM EST

Every time I see an ad for Eddie Murphy’s upcoming Norbit — which appears to be a two-joke-pony of a movie, with the jokes being “Eddie Murphy is in fat-lady/elderly-Asian drag!” — I wonder: Are Oscar voters seeing this god-awful trailer, too?

When they view that scene of Big-Lady Murphy’s gut obscuring her bikini bottom (pictured), is the memory of the actor’s Dreamgirls performance as James “Thunder” Early similarly obscured? When GeekBoy Murphy gets repeatedly crushed on the bed beneath his girthier woman, are voters’ inclinations to choose Murphy as Best Supporting Actor similarly trampled? And when Murphy sensuously washes a car to the tune of Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha,” while, for lack of a better term, putting ’em on the glass (NSFW!), do Academy members reach for their pencils and check off Mark Wahlberg on their final ballots?

Oh, also, Thandie Newton? What the hell are you doing in this movie?

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