Oh. Hold on, let me make sure I’m reading this right. [Wipes sleepy dust from eyes] Yeah, I am. Okay. So since we haven’t had a band reunion announcement in a while [coughs, shifts apathetically in seat], I guess you’ll all be so very thrilled to hear that Wham! are probably getting back together.
All theories about certain former members of Wham! having a large number of legal bills to pay aside, why do you think these guys are waking up and go-go-ing again all of a sudden? Did George take pity on Andrew? Has it taken this long for George to track down Andrew’s phone number? And in a year that’s already seen reunions from the Stooges, the Police, and, well, like, everyone else ever, can you possibly bring yourself to care?
Personally, all this reunion nonsense reminds me of one time when Iwas ice skating at Rockefeller Center with my mom, and the musicswitched to “You Raise Me Up” and we looked in the middle of the rinkand some dude was proposing to his lady friend. We awwwed andclapped, and went back to skating. Not three minutes later, they startedplaying “You Raise Me Up” again, and sure enough, someone else was onhis knee at center ice. Fifteen minutes after that the song came on a third time, and everyone groaned.
So I will say to the boys from Wham! the same thing I wanted to sayto Proposing Guy No. 3: Dude, it’s one thing to be the second proposal onthe ice, but beyond that you gotta ask yourself if maybe there’s abetter time for what you’re trying to do, ya know?
[Confidential to R.E.M.: Sure, go for it. It could only help matters.]