Annie Barrett
February 12, 2007 AT 04:00 PM EST

I am not an Idol fanatic, but do occasionally tune in to witness the spectacle and “keep up”. I did see a few of the audition eps, during which it was soooo obvious that the producers had deliberately locked one of the double doors — usually the one on the left — in order to make the sobbing castoffs look even more idiotic on their way out of the room. That way, Simon (pictured, saying what he’s thinking) got to perfect his faux-exasperated “Other door!” (translation: “Bwahahahahaha YES!”). This was pretty funny. Some of the time.

As the gag kept up, I realized I really, really wanted to be cast as a person who sits right next to those double doors — maybe even in between them. Then, I’d be the one to decide, based on the contestant’s sheer likability, whether to help him out by muttering “RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT” or contribute to his shame by tilting my head towards the locked door on the left. Though I wouldn’t mind if some of these people suffered mild concussions, there are a few sincere, heartbroken ones who I felt had been humiliated enough. And the “RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT” brain waves I was sending them through my TV — months after the fact — just weren’t cutting it.

What about you? If you could enter and alter any set, stage, or “reality” in the entertainment world, what would it be? Post your hypothetical dream jobs below…

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