Jessica Shaw
February 23, 2007 AT 05:00 AM EST

Terrible TV subplots

The Subplot Niki/Jessica’s dual personality
The Problem One personality gets stuck in the mirror while the other looks on with an evil glare? Isn’t the first season too early to be stealing from Melrose Place — or, worse, Days of Our Lives?
Our Solution A third personality emerges and kills the other two. Then, during sweeps, she uses the knife on herself.

The Subplot Tommy and Julia’s pregnancy (courtesy of a brother’s sperm)
The Problem Next to the other four complex sibs, Tommy and his bland ‘n’ blond wife make us want to flip the channel.
Our Solution Tommy and Julia buy a vineyard way up north and return only for holiday episodes when Nora’s manipulative mom can counteract their lameness.

The Subplot Lorelai’s annoying ex Luke and his irksomely precocious daughter, April
The Problem First it took forever for Lorelai to dump the hangdog hash-slinger, and then we had to endure his pointless custody battle.
Our Solution Luke learns that the DNA test was somehow wrong. He’s so upset that he leaves Stars Hollow for an ashram and never, ever returns.

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