I actually know what number the Hallmark Channel is.
That was the realization I had to come to terms with this week, when I kept flipping back to 191 to watch The Love Letter, a 1998 Hallmark original starring Campbell Scott as a modern-day engaged man who buys an antique desk and starts corresponding with its Civil War-era owner (Jennifer Jason Leigh) through a secret compartment in it. I haven’t broken down yet and watched Walker, Texas Ranger (pictured) — which always seems to be on — but I know myself, and that day is coming.
So, PopWatchers, if I share my late-night channel-surfing ritual, will you? I usually start with a solid run through channels 37 through 45: that’s TNT, USA, TBS, FX, Spike TV, WE, AMC, Bravo, and Lifetime. If I don’t stumble onto something like Can’t Hardly Wait, Legally Blonde, Die Hard, Rocky IV, First Blood, Weekend at Bernie’s, Jaws, The American President, or that TV movie that starred Sharon Lawrence as a woman who sleeps with her best friend’s son (Brian Austin Green), it’s onto the Sci Fi Channel and ABC Family, which typically disappoint me because Mansquito isn’t on but the 700 Club is. I then do a quick scan (meaning I just read the titles on the screen but don’t actually pause long enough for the picture to load) of Comedy Central, E!, VH1, and MTV. If it’s during the NASCAR season, I’ll stop at Speed on 72, to see if anyone’s talking smack. If not, it’s a clear leap to CMT at 187, where I brake if it’s that reality show about making the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad, and floor it if it’s stand-up. The ride usually ends at Hallmark on 191, but if I’m desperate, I have been known to turn to Versus at 408, in the vain hope that they’re replaying a Professional Bull Riders event.