8:01 p.m. That was a pretty weak Happy Feet-Little Miss Sunshine mashup, no?
8:03 p.m. Who writes Chris Connelly’s painful voiceovers? “A-list asylum”? “Amid all the glam what-am that makes this night fun”? Uff-da.
8:04 p.m. News you can use: Nicole Kidman and Naomi Watts spend their BFF time barbequing.
8:06 p.m. Andre Leon Talley declares that Jennifer Hudson is the new “people’s princess.”
8:08 p.m. I love that both Patricia Field’s hair and gown are the color of cherry-pie filling.
8:13 p.m. Abigail Breslin is so freakin’ cute right now. Don’t you love that she looks like an actual kid in her pink-checked dress, not a creepy child-bot?
8:15 p.m. Andre Leon Talley: I’m bringin crazy back! (Yeah!)
8:18 p.m. Eddie Murphy saves a zzzzz-inducing interview by responding to Lisa Ling’s question about his favorite Eddie Murphy film: “I like ‘em all! I even like Pluto Nash!”
8:20 p.m. Cate Blanchett deserves an Oscar just for making me believe she has any idea what Andre Leon Talley is talking about. I think he said she belted a horse? Wha?
8:22 p.m. I really wish Connelly had skipped the dull questions for Mark Wahlberg and just said: “Donnie D on the backup! Drug-free, so put the crack-up! No need for speed, I’m anti-d-r-u-g-g-i-e, my body’s healthy, my rhymes make me wealthy, and the funky Bunch helps me! To bring you a show with no intoxication! So feel the vibrations!” But of course, he did not.
8:24 p.m. I gotta say, as much as I rag on Ryan and Giuliana, their show’s a helluva lot more entertaining than ABC’s.
8:27 p.m. Why are they showing random runway footage while Andre Leon Crazy rattles off a list of the night’s best gowns and their designers? Random!