So this morning, I came across a story in Variety that Shaquille O’Neal is set to star in a new ABC reality series in which he’ll help Florida schoolchildren in their quest to lose weight, and, um, zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
HEY, WAKE UP! I know, the Shaq-helps-kids concept makes the butterfly land on my hand, too. But it also got me thinking about how many celebreality opportunities the networks are missing. I’d love to see a show that follows the day-to-day life of a talented but underappreciated one-hit wonder, like Deee-Lite’s Lady Miss Kier (pictured), to see what life is like after fame fades away. Does Kier need to work some kind of 9-to-5 to support herself, or does she cover her automobills with “Groove Is in the Heart” residuals and Gay Pride appearances across the global village? What’s the response from crowds when she tours across Turkey and Estonia? Is she really as wild and wacky as the messages she leaves on her MySpace page? Sample: “My mission is to cure people’s boredom and my own and remind us that the outer planets are the most glamor-us. Pluto is still a planet no matter what they call it. I can turn an old rag into a runway look in ten seconds. I can resuscitate old forgotten trax that command you to drag your tired ass to look lively on the dancefloor. I can walk on fire. I can rise above the B.S. and find myself in a better place. I can relaxercise, pick up the phone and order a delivery in minutes. I can tell you the name of my congressperson. I can turn from a caterpillar to a butter-fly.”
Tell me this woman does not deserve her own series! And tell me which celebrity you’d give a reality show to if you ran Hollywood!