Annie Barrett
March 23, 2007 AT 12:00 PM EDT

Enough! These two rivaling supershows need to stop acting like children. Big news today: American Idol will intentionally run long on Tuesday night — seven minutes, in fact — just to mess with the elimination edition of Dancing With the Stars. So from 9 to 9:07, no one at home will know what to do! Give whatever contestant slated to sing last the time of day, or sit slack-jawed for seven minutes hoping to catch a closeup of Heather Mills (pictured, with Jonathan Roberts)?

Right now I’m picturing two toddlers in a colorful, plastic sandbox who refuse to share the “huge crowd of unconditionally smiling people” toy. Idol baby has a fun, generic, geometric patterns-okay-corporate-logos-BAD onesie on, whereas Dancing baby looks terrif (swathed in a giant pink ruffle exposing her sexy midsection), but is sadly drowning in a pit of glitter she dug herself. I don’t know why Idol toddler is being so selfish with the huge crowd of unconditionally smiling people toy, because his My First Ford pickup is just outside the sandbox, and he hasn’t ridden by the video camera in it for like seven minutes. Time is of the essence, Idol toddler! Let’s wrap this up!

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