I’ll let Teensie the Terrier, who’ll host “The Puppy After-Show” on We’s website, tell you about the first program: “Here’s how it works: nine puppies are chosen from ten different cities, but only one will be crowned America’s Cutest. Lemme tell you, the competition is fierce, and not entirely house broken. Front runners in the LA contest include Roxy, a rowdy boxer with more energy than Tom at a Scientology convention, and Smitty, a très fetching corgi (despite wetting the floor during the “personality round”). There’s Bella, an adorable but drowsy Brazilian mastiff (drowsy to the point of comatose), and Misty, a feisty chihuahua shitzu mix (no jokes, please) who’s more manic than Lindsay after three Red Bulls.”
Hey, that bitch is funny.
Princess the Poodle, meanwhile, uses her first “Backstage Blog” entry to prep us for Adventures at Doggie Daycare:”The Downtown Dog Lounge offers a range of spa treatments includingpawdicures, Brazilian bikini trims (Why? WHY?) and deep tissue massage.The clientele ranges from laid-back labradoodles to quivering,panic-stricken pugs. Standouts include Carmen, an Italian greyhoundwith a decidedly flirty fashion sense (a pink sweater that reads “I’m aLover, Not a Biter” — did she borrow that getup from Paris’s chihuahua,Tinkerbelle?), and Max, a matted cockapoo who barely survives hisgrooming session — a dramatic and much-needed full-body shave.”
Okay, I kinda wanna shoot myself for knowing that Princess spelled Tinkerbell’s name wrong.